My Sexuality

January 16, 2020


A topic that I had a lot of trouble with for my teen years. Excepting who I was is something that didn't come easy to me. My parents were born in the 50s and 60s. They were both raised with pretty closed minds and that affected my view on LGBT for a long time. That is a sad and long story I'll save for another post. Eventually, I found YouTube and creators like Hannah Hart and Tyler Oakley who helped me except LGBT and eventually myself.
My sexuality used to be something I was scared of. Something I was ashamed of. Something I wish I could change. I hid it away behind self-hate for quite some time and it ate me up inside. LGBT+ Creators helped me come to terms and eventually be proud of who I am. 

So what am I? It seems like that is the first thing anyone wants to know. Dan Howell put it best in his "coming out video" when he said that people want to know "could we fuck?" or like do you like to fuck? I agree with Dan that I'm not really into the whole labels thing. Sexuality is a sliding scale. People change and grow. Once you introduce yourself with a label that label is the only thing that people with think of you as. If you grow and change you then kind of have to tell people and that can get confusing.

Labels give this sort of cementing effect to who you are. An identifier that sicks with you. Some peoples sexuality stays pretty much the same throughout their lives. So if your sexuality changes they may not understand. Putting that label can be daunting.

That's why I like that Dan says "I'm here, I'm Queer and filled with existential fear." Same Dan, same.

But people will still try to get a label out of you. And I do feel like since I have a small presence here on the internet, very small presence, I want to talk about my feelings. Listing to Tyler and Hannah talk about their sexualities helped me accept myself. If can do that for someone else I want too.

So what am I? I love people. People are beautiful. Chris Evans is beautiful, Ryan Reynolds is beautiful, Zendaya is beautiful, Margot Robbie is beautiful! I crush on everybody tbh. I guess that makes me Pan.

But I'm also on the Ace spectrum. If you don't know what asexual is, I think that this article explains it well. "Some asexuals neither experience sexual attraction nor have a sex drive. Some have romantic or emotional attraction, but not a sex drive. Some have a sex drive, but they do not experience an attraction. Finally, some experience both attraction and drive, but do not find that those two things are linked"

There are quite a few labels under the Ace Spectrum. The one that fits me most would be Demisexual. I experience sexual attraction but I can't really act on it unless I really know the person. I'm a friend before a bang kind of person. I'm not being a prude or uptight. If you want to, have all the sex. I just physically can't unless I really know a person first. I have to form an emotional connection before anything like that starts flowing.

So Demi-Pan is probably my best descriptors. But after I was done looking for pins and stuff for the photo for this post, Amazon suggested a bunch of pins to me and one really spoke to me. So I'll like to label myself Chaotic Neutral. Chaotic = Pan, Neutral = Demi. It's perfect!!!

I'm proud of who I am now. Love is Love and I'll follow my heart no matter who it may choose. #Pride! 🌈


Thanks so much for reading this post! I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave a like if you did, it's much appreciated!







Photo Credit: Photo taken by me with a Canon EOS Rebel T5 with an 18-55mm lens and edited by me in Photoshop.

**This post was not sponsored**

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